Ejaculation drains life energy. Semen Retention. Sex without fantasy? Dreams of Aunt Olya.

October 27, 2024.

Although I went to bed before 10:00 PM, I couldn’t really fall asleep. After a long break, I masturbated again, hoping it would make me tired. I did feel a bit sleepy after ejaculation, but it wasn’t enough to fall asleep. At the same time, I felt drained in a different way, as if ejaculation had stolen some of my life energy. It’s unimaginable that I used to masturbate several times a day while also watching porn. Masturbation (or more precisely: ejaculation) really doesn’t do me any good.

My eyes adjusted to the darkness, and I kept glancing at the balcony door, feeling as if something was there. But there was nothing—only my intuition. I was lying on the carpet when I suddenly heard rustling behind me, near the balcony door. What is that? I wondered, but I was too tired to turn around. It was probably my sister, who had just come home late at night.

Then, while I was lying on the floor and looking at the door, I heard a growl right behind me, so close it felt like a dog was right next to my ear. I got scared, but shortly after, the growl disappeared. My immediate thought was: How can I interpret this positively? With that question, I eventually fell asleep. I think I was in sleep paralysis (in a theta state?).

I dreamed of two dogs that were being treated unkindly by their owner. I knelt down next to the two dogs and started petting them. They clearly enjoyed it. The owner was surprised that a stranger was being so affectionate with her dogs. She came up to me, and then the dream ended.

I urgently needed to go to the bathroom, so I got up, went to pee, and then lay back down and fell asleep again.

5:16 AM. I dreamed that I was listening to something on my laptop, and my Aunt Olya was making pancakes in a kitchen (that I didn’t recognize). However, she told me that I needed to bring something from the store because she was missing an ingredient. Along with that, she mentioned two other tasks that needed to be done, but those were much easier to get while the store was farther away. I didn’t have a bike with me, unlike my little sister. I asked my sister to take care of the errands since I had already helped Aunt Olya often in the dream. Naturally, she chose the easiest of the three tasks. That really annoyed me—I sat back down at the laptop and didn’t accomplish anything at all.

I took a sip from a glass bottle, which suddenly broke. Suddenly, I had shards of glass in my mouth. I began to carefully pull them out. Then Mom and Aunt Olya came over and watched the situation. The glass shards were in my mouth, but they hadn’t gone deep into my throat or lungs. I played up the situation dramatically, as if I were painfully pulling the shards from my mouth. Dream ended.

It’s 6:34 AM. It’s windy outside. I dreamed of Aunt Olya again. We were driving in a car—Uncle Sasha was at the wheel, with Grandpa Yura in the passenger seat. I was sitting in the back seat behind Uncle Sasha. In the middle was Mom, and by the window sat Aunt Olya.

I asked Uncle Sasha how much vitamin B12 he takes or if he even takes B12 as a meat-eater. However, due to the weather conditions on the road, it was a bit chaotic, and Grandpa suggested that I should ask another time because it would be dangerous if Uncle got distracted.

In the dream, it felt a bit uncomfortable to ask Aunt Olya this question. But I brought it up anyway and asked her the same question. Instead of telling me how often she takes B12, she said, “Yes, I know I should take it daily, but I don’t.” I asked her again, “How often do you take it then? Once a week?” She replied with “Yes.” I was a bit disappointed because I thought that as a meat-eater, one wouldn’t need to take B12 at all.

Aunt Olya kept talking. It felt like she was really happy that I had approached her—as if she had felt neglected and was now delighted that someone was giving her attention. She looked out the open window, even stood up, and held her head out. I could feel her joy for life as we passed the beautiful flowers while turning left. I said to Uncle Sasha, “Look, Aunt is really excited!” and asked him if he could drive a little slower so that Aunt could enjoy the view of the flowers longer. Then the dream ended.

At 7 AM, I woke up and listened to a podcast about semen retention and multiple male orgasms before getting out of bed. Last year, I had already explored NoFap and tried it out, and I know how much life energy and willingness to communicate with others I gain from it. However, I didn’t realize back then that it’s not masturbation that causes this loss of life energy, but ejaculation.

From today’s podcast from “Mensch mit Wert” on semen retention, I learned that it’s possible to have an orgasm without ejaculation. It was a real aha moment for me when I realized that I don’t have to associate orgasm with ejaculation. This means I can have an orgasm without losing a part of my life energy afterward (or better said: without giving part of my life energy to the sperm, to my offspring).

This new perspective has piqued my curiosity. If I ever masturbate again, I will focus on not ejaculating in order to preserve my life energy while still experiencing an orgasm. However, I will probably stop masturbating altogether and prefer to experience real sex with a goddess. The question is: without ejaculating?! 🤔

Let’s summarize: ejaculation drains my life energy. After sex, I feel drained and just want to sleep or rest at night. After an ejaculation during the day, I want to get up and do something else about ten minutes later, but I definitely don’t want to keep cuddling, as I see that as a waste of time. The fire within me goes out, and the desire for the goddess fades away.

What if I could gain control over my sexual energy? What if I had the ability to experience an orgasm without ejaculating while still feeling that fire, that tingling in my belly, and the desire for the woman? To feel energized as if I hadn’t ejaculated? What impact would that have on the relationship? I will try it at the next opportunity.

Another point from the podcast that I took away and hadn’t really been aware of before is experiencing sex in the here and now. That is, not developing fantasies during sex but being completely present. At the end of my last relationship, I imagined having sex with other women multiple times because I couldn't ejaculate otherwise. The pressure to ejaculate in order to reach orgasm led me to these fantasies, which I unfortunately kept to myself back then. I will pay attention to this point about fantasy at the next opportunity as well.

After breakfast, I initially translated old diary entries into English and improved the titles of older entries.

Meanwhile, I still feel a slight low. How could I have not noticed this drain on life energy after an ejaculation when I was masturbating daily? 🤔

I bought the e-book "Semen Retention Miracle" by Joseph Peterson to learn more about semen retention. While browsing through it, I’ve already learned that semen retention will have the following effects on me:

• Increases productivity
• Boosts motivation
• Improves my income potential (?) 🤔
• Enhances concentration
• Strengthens self-confidence
• Increases my energy
• Boosts libido
• Strengthens the immune system
• Sharpens memory
• Makes me more risk-taking
• Helps with sleep
• Alleviates depression
• Deepens the voice
• Strengthens hair (oh yes, please 🙏)
• Improves self-control.

I’m excited to see how this goes! I’ll continue reading the book.

See ya tomorrow! 👋

I am grateful today for:

• Becoming aware that ejaculation (not masturbation itself) takes away some of my life energy. I will use ejaculation with caution from now on.
• Being able to remain calm despite my mother's emotional outburst about the unwatered plants and deflecting the resulting accusations toward me. 🙏
• Cooking a delicious pasta dish for us.
• Discovering a new non-fiction book to read.
• Quickly reconciling with everyone afterward.
• Seeing my mother cheerful again after I set up her new clothes rack.

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