I am character type 4 in the personality enneagram

October 15, 2023. It's Sunday. Mom has an early shift. I had breakfast with Julien at 9 am and we talked about the relationship between Mom and him. I hope this conversation improves their relationship.

Then I read the book "The Enneagram of Our Relationships" by Maria-Anne Gallen and Hans Neidhardt and found out that I am character type 4 "The Individualist". Someone who spends their whole life searching for their true personality, solid values, and ideas. Someone introverted with a complex inner life. So, a very self-centered but also independent person. Someone who likes to lose themselves in their fantasies and dreams. I try to be different from the masses.

Enneagram type 4 is attracted to type 1, who lives by solid principles and divides the world into good and evil, right and wrong. This makes sense because I find radical climate activists and eco-freaks somehow appealing.

Enneagram type 4, in turn, attracts type 2 "The Helper". Then I thought about Mom, she must be type 2. And Jule is type 1, because she was always very reality-conscious and liked to bring me back to earth when I got lost in my dreams and fantasies. But also her accuracy when correcting my texts or pictures, her perfectionism, her know-it-all attitude, and her independence suggest that she is type 1.

Now I understand what happens when type 1 and type 2 clash: Type 2 (Mom) insists, "Júlenka, put on socks, it's cold". Type 1 (Jule) feels their autonomy is violated and perceives it as an attack. Type 2 feels rejected and is hurt.

I find it fascinating to learn more about my inner child, to understand why it ticks the way it does. But also to get to know other inner children to better "take care of them," as a type 2 would say.

Then I thought, if I am type 4, I am constantly searching for my values, my personality, my principles in life. Maybe it would be easy for me to empathize with other types and be those types? I played with the idea of adopting all types and becoming the type that best fits my current interpersonal relationship.

But I am also aware that I am not 100% type 4. I think I only act from a type 4 state with a certain probability and behave like type 4 in a given situation. I also became aware of how important the inner observer is.

Disabling the email app and blocking YouTube are the best changes I've made in recent days. I feel like I have more time in the day, I read books, and I feel much more productive, I learn a lot more, and I am also more satisfied at the end of the day. I also feel much more relaxed, not so stressed, without constantly having to watch videos. A great feeling! I hope I don't relapse.

Masha and Tobi were here today and I noticed that I engaged much more in the conversation and listened better. I am much more interested in social interactions than usual. I somehow feel the change that I am becoming more social.

Another change I noticed was that I no longer felt the need to drink coffee with my loved ones. It was no longer a problem for me to switch to caffeine-free spelt coffee. Apparently, it is much easier to give up a habit when you replace it with another one.